My TED (Lasso) Talk
Image Credit: Colin Hutton for AppleTV+
You can call me a “Diamond Dog.” Perhaps “Wanker.” Maybe even a “Ted Head.”
Or, you can call me a BELIEVEr.
Yes, I am a huge Ted Lasso fan. What Jason Sudeikis, Bill Lawrence, Brendan Hunt, and Joe Kelly have created is a TV masterclass on how to handle haters and critics. I want so badly for Ted Lasso to be real. But, alas, he is simply a wonderful fictional coach who makes us believe in him.
Image Credit: Colin Hutton for AppleTV+
None of us is perfect. Ted Lasso included.
The show centers around Ted’s positive outlook, quirky nature, and inherent belief that it is good in everyone. Of course, he learns the hard way that not everyone is a fan of his nor is everyone going to be a good person.
In what unfurled in the season premiere between Ted and Nate, I see so many parallels to my past and present experiences. From workplace bullying during my time at Baylor to trying to be a leader and mentor at my stops in Miami and Atlanta, most of my former staff and co-workers don’t speak to me anymore. Maybe it’s because I am not their cup of tea or perhaps I am truly an awful person. I saw all of this in the Nate-Ted dynamic.
My note for March 16, 2023, could not have been a better message, given what I had witnessed.
There will be people who don’t like you.
There are people who don’t like me.
There are people I don’t like.
It’s impossible to be everything to everyone, but don’t belittle them.
What Nate did in his first press conference as West Ham manager was belittling Ted. He could have taken the high road and ignored the question, but instead, he settled in and gave the media a soundbite they wanted. Rather than get angry at Nate, when asked about his comments, Ted complimented Nate and made jokes…about himself.
We can learn a lot from our mustachioed friend.
After months of unemployment, working temporarily at Target, and finally landing a job that I was very overqualified for, things began turning the corner when the way I connected with my daughter began resonating with other parents.
Since the first #Dad Lunch Notes message and first story, I have always had a few people who felt entitled enough to say awful things about me. Ironically, I began writing notes to Addison because of the anxiety she felt at beginning her fourth school in five years and later enduring middle school bullying.
No matter how many positive messages I receive from parents who have struggled like me or teenagers who have struggled with mental health, I always think about the negative messages and comments that get posted on the notes I write my kids.
After our 2021 appearance on TODAY, there were a handful of people who were emailing and messaging media outlets to tell them not to do stories about me and said awful things about me. It continued months later after our appearances on The Kelly Clarkson Show, Good Morning America, and the stories published in South Korea.
I thought maybe all of this was behind me until I received an email from the wonderful people at Teuko, the San Francisco-based lunchbox community website I partnered with for a fun Valentine’s Day giveaway. They received messages as well as one of the contest winners from individuals saying nasty things about me. They used to post comments on my Instagram feed, but I blocked them because I don’t want things I write my kids connected with people attacking me. My kids didn’t ask for that. I didn’t ask for that.
In my 20s and 30s, I would have taken offense to those comments. I would have taken the “nuclear” approach and verbally undressed them with words to make them feel little and less than others. That would have made me feel better for a few minutes, but then reality would set in and I would feel like shit. I would have beat myself and wondered,
“What am I doing wrong to make someone feel this way toward me?”
Now, instead of being angry and insulted by the few people who want to spread hate about me, I now feel sadness and empathy for them. If you want to waste seconds of your life talking shit about me, then I hope you find something else to fill that apparent hole in your life. I PROMISE YOU: I AM NOT THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD. Far from it.
I am a dad who just wants to help his kids navigate life. I want to have a purpose in my life. I don’t want to be remembered for the jobs I had or the awards I won. I want to be remembered for being a dad who tried his best.
I know I am not for everyone.
Ultimately, when social media goes away, it only matters what two people think about what I write - Addison and Jackson.
I love making new friends and connecting with parents from across the globe. I get star-struck when the occasional celebrity likes or shares one of my notes. As parents, we all have something to learn from other parents as well as teach other parents.
As someone who has struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation, my mind - no matter how mentally healthy I am - can get stuck in neutral if I get a negative comment or negative message. I could receive thousands of positive messages and my mind will focus on the negative.
I don’t want to focus on the negative anymore.
I want to be a good dad for my kids and if I happen to help others along the way, then that’s lagniappe.
I have rebuilt my life.
I am finally in a good place after a rough go at it in my 20s and 30s.
If you happen to be one of the people spreading awful things about me (and you are reading this), I am sorry you are hurting that much to want to do the same to me.
