Depression and Suicide

My Semicolon Tattoo

A few months before I would lose my job, I got impulsively got a tattoo of a semicolon on my left wrist. I love punctuation and all, but the semicolon represents suicide and how I didn’t let my story end.

Like many people, I was blindsided by the news of tWitch's death. People were quick to post videos and photos of tWitch's "happy" moments, but why are we quick to ask WHY?

Depression does not discriminate.

This may be hard for those who've never lost someone to suicide or ever had suicidal ideation, but some think suicide is their only option to erase the pain and despair they are experiencing.

I've been there.

There were times when I thought that was the only way for me.

The first time I admitted publicly that I contemplated suicide was at my Catholic high school's junior year retreat in 1999.

The senior class members leading the conversation asked if any of us had thought about it.

I was one of the few in the audience who raised my hand.

There were audible gasps from some of my classmates.

Someone seated next to me asked, "How can you be depressed? You are always happy."

That - along with my parents' denials - summed up how people viewed #mentalhealth in 1999.

But, I wasn't happy on the inside.

I felt like a different person inside my body than what I exuded to the outside world.

With medicine, those thoughts subsided...for a while.

They wouldn't return until my mental breakdown in 2011. The stress of workplace bullying, family strife, and life were weighing on me.

It was then that my parents realized what my wife Ashleigh knew all along - I was hurting and depression was winning.

I put a lot of work into getting better over the next several years, but job stresses and working in what was then not a very supportive industry (college athletics) almost killed me...twice.

Why am I sharing all of this?

I'm not famous. I'm just a regular dad who happens to share his #mentalhealth struggles.

I just want people to understand that depression and suicide aren't signs we wear around our necks.

We are all struggling.

There are people hurting.

Don't speculate why someone did it. Don't ask if they left a note. Don't judge. Don't mock. Don't chastise.

I know people tweeting "be kinder to others" or "check on your strong friends" are well-intentioned, but there's more we can do.

Volunteer to work your local suicide crisis hotlines or help the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Listen to those who are hurting or struggling.

I struggle just as much as the next person.

I wear a semicolon tattoo on my wrist to remind me of where I've been, and how far I've come, and there is still work to be done.

Let's learn to listen to people in crisis.

Let's learn to have a little more empathy.