What Makes You Happy?

“Happiness is not a function of what you achieve. It’s a function of how you spend your time.” - Adam Grant

What makes you happy? Like truly happy. Think about it for a moment. When we think about the word happiness, we think about constant positive thoughts, or warm, fuzzy feelings, or persistent exuberance. It’s a great feeling, but it’s usually a fleeting moment in time and then it’s gone.

When you switch your thinking from happiness being a WHAT to happiness being a HOW, that happiness feeling tends to stay around for a while.

For those who know me, you know I spent an excessive amount of time in my 20s and 30s searching for my purpose and the pursuit of happiness. I thought happiness was a destination…like Disney World is considered the “Happiest Place on Earth” (not for me, but I am sure for millions of other people). I thought happiness was code for fancy job titles, raises, and awards.

None of that equals happiness. Yeah, you are happy at the moment, but after the initial shock wears off, it’s business as usual. Nothing changes. The sun still rises the same. You still struggle to get out of bed in the morning for your commute to work. So, where do you find this elusive happiness?

It starts with YOU.

For years, I searched for happiness as if it were the Fountain of Youth. It was non-existent. I was too dumb to realize that the secret(s) to my happiness were with me from the beginning. It was Ashleigh, our kids, our health, and the things I was trying to teach Addison and Jackson as they grew older.

It took numerous therapists, a job loss, multiple moves, and a leap of faith at a new professional opportunity during the pandemic for things to become clear. Once we built and bought our first home in May 2022, I finally forgave myself for losing my job six years earlier and putting my family in the position I did.

Then, the weight of the world lifted.

I felt lighter.

I felt like I could breathe easier.

As my therapist explained to me last month, I have probably been experiencing happiness for the last year, but because I have been so used to searching for it, I haven’t realized it yet.

Since rereading Adam Grant’s “Think Again” this month, I realized…I am happy. What I am living is the happiness I have long been searching for.

I may not be rich. I may be in debt like most of America. However, I have a loving family at home, relationships with my kids that I hope resonate with other people through my notes and two careers in which I can help others.

That is happiness.

If I can find that later in life at 41, then I know you can too. Sometimes, we may have already found it - we just need someone to help us realize that.

Now if I can only pull off the clean-bald look - and the writing skills - like Adam Grant…